Journey From the Summit Read online

  As I sat and watched the world go by, I recognized a face in the throng. A guy called Dave whom I’d known in Goa was walking into the bar where I sat. I called his name, happy to see a face I knew. He embraced me, equally pleased to see me, and joined me for a drink. We sat and compared travel notes and he asked all about Saul and what was happening with his case. He said he had met up with someone I may like to meet – Jess, the girl who had pretended to be Saul’s girlfriend was here in Bangkok! I felt a frisson of excitement bubble through me. To meet her and be able to thank her for what she did for Saul would be wonderful. We arranged to meet later that evening in another bar not far from there, and he would bring Jess with him.

  I was really excited. I felt so far away from Goa and Saul, and somehow this meeting seemed to bring it and him unexpectedly closer.

  The evening came round quickly and I made my way to the bar to meet Dave and Jess. Dave was already there when I arrived and had a peculiar look on his face. I asked if everything was okay, and he told me he’d thought it would funny to wind Jess up by telling her I was angry that she’d pretended to be Saul’s girlfriend, and the reason I wanted to see her was to tell her off! My first thought was that she probably wouldn’t want to come now. I certainly was cross now, but with Dave for being so insensitive. I mean, no one would be likely to willingly meet someone who they thought was going to be angry with them, and I’d been so pleased to have the chance to meet her, too! I glared at Dave, suddenly wishing I hadn’t run into him, if he was now going to disappoint me after promising me something I’d really looked forward to.

  Imagine my surprise, then, when a pretty blonde girl walked in looking around nervously, and was greeted by Dave. He called her over and she turned to me anxiously. I stood up and threw my arms around her, which I think shocked her more than ever. I was so relieved that she’d come, and not been put off by Dave’s silly prank, that I didn’t stop to exchange pleasantries or to tell her that anger was in fact the last thing I felt.

  She stood back from me and looked at me in confusion. I could see that she was waiting for me to say something, as she was clearly at a loss for words. Dave stood up and said he would leave us to chat, as he was sure we had lots to say, and left us with a mischievous grin on his face.

  After she was reassured that I was anything but angry, we began to talk. I told her how grateful I was to her for helping Saul, and she said that she’d been intrigued by the thought of meeting me, as Saul had told her how special I was to him. We talked for hours: first at the bar, and then back at her guesthouse; we chattered well into the small hours.

  Later that night I fell asleep feeling a sense of connection to Saul, and joy that I had met someone like Jess.

  For the next couple of days Jess and I were inseparable. We seemed to connect not only because of Saul, but as friends too. We shopped, went clubbing, ate, drank, and most of all we talked. In many ways I felt sad that tomorrow would be my last day in Thailand and I would be heading home.

  The friendships I had made on my travels were very different from those I had at home. In some ways they were like holiday romances, where you felt every aspect of the bond with great intensity. You were away from home, away from your security, which made you more susceptible and more open to the tendrils of comradeship; the hands that reached out to you when you felt vulnerable. You had only brief moments with these friends in circumstances that were challenging as opposed to years to build a relationship in the security of your everyday life.

  The flight home was a long fourteen-hour one. I felt the pull as I journeyed further and further from Saul, feeling the distance like a gaping maw between us. Although I hadn’t seen him for over two weeks now, I had still felt nearby while I’d been in Thailand – just a short flight away. Now I was going home, away from everything that represented being near him, and my heart ached with longing for him.

  I knew my parents would be waiting for me at Heathrow. I wanted to see them and feel enveloped in their unconditional love, but I was dreading looking into their eyes as I revealed the truth of the past few months to them.

  As far as they knew I had been travelling with Saul the whole time, right up until I left India. I had told them that he would be staying on for a few more months to continue travelling with his friend and that we would be together when he came home. I knew that my story would be questioned when I saw them. It was easy to lie from thousands of miles away when communication was so poor, but face-to-face I had no choice but to show them the contents of Pandora’s box.

  I knew my parents loved me unreservedly, but because of my strict catholic upbringing I was very worried about how they would receive the truth. The fact that I had lied to them so terribly was bad enough, but the actuality that I was desperately in love with a man who was in prison on a drugs charge, and that I had gone to the other side of the world knowing this and put myself in grave danger by travelling alone, all because of my love for him – they were going to be crushed. This was everything a parent didn’t want for their daughter, and especially parents like mine who were so conservative. When I thought back to my brother’s reaction, I realized with mounting dread that that was a very diluted version of what I could expect from my mum and dad.

  Chapter Seventeen

  I arrived at Heathrow early in the morning, feeling groggy and stiff from my long flight. Seeing the faces of my mum and dad as I came through the arrivals gate really made coming home for me. The relief as they saw me was so apparent – their little girl was back in one piece.

  We chattered non-stop as we walked to the car and loaded my backpack into the boot. We made idle chitchat about the flight, the weather, and my suntan. They commented on the fact that I had lost weight, but I led them to believe it was the diet of fresh fish, and abundance fruit and veg, coupled with the odd upset stomach, rather than the truth of the stress I had been exposed to. It wasn’t until they had me in the confines of the car that they began to ask more probing questions.

  “So Florence, where is Saul? Why has he not returned with you? Is there a problem, have you fallen out?” my mum asked.

  “We thought it seemed a little odd that he would let you travel first to Thailand and then home all alone? If he really cared shouldn’t he be keen to travel home too and be with you now? Why is he continuing his travels without you?” my dad joined in.

  The questions continued in this vein – all perfectly legitimate, reasonable inquiries.

  “Mum, Dad, can we just get home. I’m really tired; I’ve hardly slept all night. When I’ve had a bath and something to eat, I will sit down and tell you everything.”

  I watched an exchange of worried glances between them. I had just confirmed that there was indeed a problem, but I don’t think at that time they had any idea what it could be.

  I lay back in the bath and let the warm water cocoon my tired body. It felt so good to let the warmth seep into my aching limbs, washing away the residue of my travels, and lulling me into a deep state of relaxation. I tried not to think about the conversation my parents were waiting to have with me, submerging myself in the warmth and putting off the inevitable.

  Finally, when I couldn’t delay it any longer, I sat wrapped in a fluffy robe hugging a mug of tea and began to tell my parents the truth about my trip.

  They both sat quietly as I spoke and surprisingly didn’t ask any questions but just let the tale unravel.

  I tried not to notice the disappointment and worry written on their faces as I spoke, and tried to remain impartial to their obvious unease and distaste.

  My mother started to cry, quietly at first, and then louder disconnected sobs escaped her as she realized what her daughter had been involved with and how badly I had let her down. My dad said nothing at first; an absorbent sponge to my story, but then he looked at me searchingly as he asked me if there was anything at all they could do to help. I was so touched by his response that initially I did not react. He offered to call Saul’s parents and talk to them to see what
they could do. I don’t think I had ever loved my dad so much as I did at that moment. I realized what a really wonderful man he was, to appreciate my pain and my love for a man he had only ever briefly met over his own beliefs of right and wrong. Knowing how rigid my parents were in their principles, I understood how this was very much going against the grain for him. He must have wanted to get angry, or at least tell me that I was throwing my life away, wasting my time, breaking his heart by putting myself in danger and giving my heart to a man who could end up in a situation as grave as this. But he didn’t. He held his own fears, his own reservations inside and held out his hand to me. I stood up and threw my arms around him stifling a sob of my own. Then I went to my mum and put my arms around her too. I knew that, although she was taking it badly, she would be there for me too. I had wonderful parents, and this day was perhaps the first time in my life I had fully appreciated this.

  It was so comforting to be able to talk to my parents openly and confide in them. I wanted so badly for them to know Saul, and then they would understand why I loved him so much. No decent parent would ever choose this type of situation for their daughter, and considering their staunch beliefs coupled with the fact that they really didn’t know this man who had my heart, it was truly amazing that they reacted so kindly. I felt, once again, that I had let them down, but this time I couldn’t wait to prove to them that I was actually making the very best decision of my life in being with this man. In truth, although they didn’t realize it yet, there wasn’t a man on this earth who, given the chance, would love their daughter more than Saul did.

  A few days later my dad was true to his word and called Saul’s parents in America to speak to them. He wanted them to know that he was offering to help. They were staggered by his kindness, and thus began a friendship between our families. I found great comfort in this, and that now I could call and speak to his parents and together we could discuss Saul’s case.

  Daniel, was diligent about keeping everyone updated, sending faxes to both his parents and to Adam in Australia, letting everyone know what was happening as much as he possibly could. Whenever his parents received word, they called us straight away – saving Daniel the job of having to send us separate news.

  I hadn’t received a letter from Saul since I’d been home, so when one finally arrived for me at my parents’ house, I was thrilled.

  Having had no contact with him for over three weeks, I had felt bereft. Hearing about his case from Daniel via his parents was really helpful, especially as it was so regular, but it was not the same as hearing from Saul directly.

  As always I wanted to be alone to read it, so shutting myself in my room at Mum and Dad’s, I carefully opened his letter.

  Darling Flossie,

  I’m so sorry I haven’t written for a while. I wanted to wait until I knew you were home so that your letter didn’t arrive with the address of the prison on the back of it before you had had a chance to tell your parents about it. How have they taken it? I hope they don’t hate me. If only they knew how much I love you, they would know that all I want is to take care of you. When I get home, I want a chance to prove to them that I am good enough for you. I know that will be hard after this, but I will do whatever it takes.

  I miss you so much. I know I only got to see you twice a week, but knowing you were just a few miles away helped a lot. Now you are thousands of miles away, I feel the gap like a huge void in my heart. I wonder every day what you are doing, who you are with and how you are feeling. I know you have probably written to me since you got home, but I haven’t received anything as yet. I got your postcard from Thailand – it looks beautiful there, I hope one day you can take me and show me the sights!

  Apart from missing you not much has changed. I know Daniel has been filling you in and you’ll know we are still just waiting. The money we have been spending on the case is going according to plan. (I knew here that Saul was talking about the bribes working in our favour with the witnesses, but he couldn’t be specific in his letter as they were censored.)

  I feel as though I have been here forever, Flossie. I find it hard to picture normal life – it all seems like something that only happens to other people. It’s been almost eight months, and although to some that may not seem long, to be in the same room with the same people day after day, night after night, really is mind-blowingly monotonous – I guess that’s what loss of liberty means, but god knows it’s insufferable not knowing when or even if it will end!

  Luckily for me I have made some good friends here, Floss. I suppose sharing a confined space with the same people every day forces you to either get on or to have constant friction. We all want it to be as pleasant as possible so we choose to get on. One guy I have befriended is a swami, or guru. The guards call him a tourist baba – hanging out with the tourists and ‘teaching’ them the ways of the Hindu culture. Most of them love this, feeling as though they have really found themselves by listening to his wisdom! It’s quite funny really because although he clearly knows his stuff, and his stories are quite interesting, his real interest is not to bring enlightenment to these folk, but to extort money and gifts from them. He is in here on a drugs charge! He does keep some of us entertained and has genuinely taught me a lot about the Hindu religion and culture – maybe I have found myself!! Only kidding, don’t worry, I haven’t become some delusional westerner, thinking that I now understand the ways of the world!

  I hope we can live together as soon as I return, as I never want to be away from you again. Even if we have to share a house or a flat with other people, as long as we can be together. I have written to my old boss to ask if he has any carpentry for me when I get back, and I’m sure that he will help if he can.

  I am planning our life together Flossie, because it’s all I want – just to be with you.

  Write to me soon.

  All my love always,

  Saul

  xxxx

  It was all I wanted too! To get him away from that place where nightmares are made, where madness resides, and bring him home to me. I wanted to soothe his torment and help him rebuild his strength, making new and happy memories that made his experiences fade and ebb away. I wanted to hold him in my arms and never let him go, but I still didn’t know when I might get my heart’s desire.

  How could I go and look for a house or a flat when I didn’t know when he was coming back? It could be weeks, months or even years, if they decided to convict him. I shuddered at that thought but knew I had no choice but to remain in limbo until an ultimate conclusion was reached, and right now we didn’t even know how long they would take to do that.

  Chapter Eighteen

  I must have been home for about a week, when Dad came to my room one evening saying he needed to talk to me.

  By the expression on his face I knew it wasn’t going to be something good. I couldn’t think what it could be as I had already had the worst conversation with them, so surely nothing else could be wrong?

  “I had a letter, while you were away,” he began. “Your aunt wrote to me and told me some worrying things.”

  My head was reeling. My sweet aunty Pattie had promised not to speak to my parents before I had had a chance to; surely she had kept her promise? She seemed so genuine; I couldn’t believe she would go back on her word.

  “Aunty Pattie?” I began to ask.

  “No,” Dad stopped me, “not Aunty Pattie, Aunty Dorris.”

  Aunty Dorris – my dad’s other sister who also lived somewhere in India – the one who was not the sweet lady that her sister was.

  “What did it say?” I asked truly interested. I had never met this aunt, so was not concerned at this point.

  “I think it’s best if you read it, Florence,” he said handing it to me and leaving the room.

  I opened the flimsy airmail letter, my curiosity now peaking.

  Dear Joseph,

  I must ask after your health, and hope this letter finds you well. I apologize for not writing sooner to enquire,
dear brother, but I hope you know you are in my thoughts often.

  I write to you now with concern for your daughter, Joseph. I don’t know if you are aware of her antics, but I think you will want to know.

  She has come here to India and visited our parents’ house. She has been asking all sorts of questions of Tadoo, and even bribing her with money and jewellery to gain information. It seems to me that she and her boyfriend have designs on that house which, as you know, belongs to Pattie and me. I would like you to confirm both to her and to us that you have indeed relinquished your rights to it, and that she therefore has no rights to it either. Poor Tadoo wrote to me, clearly very upset by her threats, and I had to go all the way to Goa to calm her down!

  To make matters worse, it seems that to get the funds to bribe poor Tadoo, she has been selling drugs and prostituting herself for money. I am shocked, Joseph, that my own flesh and blood would behave in such a manner, and I’m ashamed to call her my niece.

  I hope you will reprimand her when she arrives home and see to it that she is appropriately dealt with. I trust that with your advice she will not make any more enquiries about the house, and that you will as I have asked reiterate that she has absolutely no rights whatsoever.

  Once again I must apologize to write to you with this upsetting news, but I know you would do the same for me if it were one of my dear children.

  Stay well, dear brother.

  Much love

  Dorris

  I was shaking! How dare she!!! Who the hell did she think she was to write such a letter? Oh I could see exactly what she was doing: she was afraid that I wanted to take her precious house, and was making sure that my father was on her side, by trying to paint me as some sort of blackmailing drug-crazed whore. I was seething. This woman had never met me; she was clearly the total opposite of my aunty Pattie!